Jokes

[BigBoss]

blonde jokes

A Blonde Goes to the Library?

Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"

[BigBoss]

How can you tell a blond has been working at a computer?
There is white out all over the screen.

Why did the 3 blondes jump off the building?
They wanted to see if their maxi-pads really had wings.


Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the party?
She heard the drinks where on the house.

[BigBoss]

Uncle Ted's Special Skill

Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he'd hit it. He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted.
Joe said, "But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!"

His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible."

Joe finally agreed and took Ted along. He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly. He asked Ted, "Do you see it?"

Ted nodded his head and said, "Boy, that was a beautiful shot!"

Joe excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?!"

Ted said, "Hmmm. I forget."




anyone got any goot jokes

[BigBoss]

Your mama''s glasses are so thick that when she lookes on a map she can see people waving.


Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said to be continued.


Yo mama so ugly, she's not bald, it's just her hair runnin' away from her face.

Yo mama so poor, when you ring her bell, she sticks her head out the window and yells, "DING DONG!"

[Shon Webb]

" ya mama is so short that she can sit on the curb and swing her legs"
" ya mama is so skinny that she hula hoop w/a cheerio"
" ya mama so fat that she uses a dvd player as beeper"

[pkracing]

" ya mama is so short that she can sit on the curb and swing her legs"
" ya mama is so skinny that she hula hoop w/a cheerio"
" ya mama so fat that she uses a dvd player as beeper"
OH YEAH? YUR MOMMA IS SOOOOO POOR THAT SHE HAD TO NAME YOU AFTER HER POORNESS SO SHE COULD BE RECOGNIZED TO BE ELIGIBLE TO GET FOOD STAMPS...BROKE OR YUR MAMMA IS SO SHORT SHE CAN PLAY HANDBALL AGAINST THE CURB! :yup:

[Shon Webb]

OH YEAH? YUR MOMMA IS SOOOOO POOR THAT SHE HAD TO NAME YOU AFTER HER POORNESS SO SHE COULD BE RECOGNIZED TO BE ELIGIBLE TO GET FOOD STAMPS...BROKE OR YUR MAMMA IS SO SHORT SHE CAN PLAY HANDBALL AGAINST THE CURB! :yup:
:laughing: :laughing: Ya damn skippie!!!! I ain't talking bout peanut butter.

[BigBoss]

ha ha thats some funny shit

[BigBoss]

ha ha i got a new one


Yo' daddy's so ugly, when he looked out the window he was arrested for mooning!

[BigBoss]

Speed Trap

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old guys were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale.
The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Sir," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."

"I beg to differ, Officer, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old man said.

The trooper, chuckling, explained to him that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the man grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out his error.

"But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These guys seem awfully shaken."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute," the old man said. "We just got off Route 119."

[BigBoss]

How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell her a blonde joke.

[pkracing]

Speed Trap

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old guys were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale.
The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Sir," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."

"I beg to differ, Officer, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old man said.

The trooper, chuckling, explained to him that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the man grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out his error.

"But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These guys seem awfully shaken."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute," the old man said. "We just got off Route 119."
HAHA MADE ME :laughing:

[BigBoss]

How's a soyburger like a dildo?
They're both meat substitutes!

[BigBoss]

Talking animals?

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation. Cowboy: "Hey, nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doin' alright."

Indian:( Look of shock )

Cowboy:"Is this Indian your owner?" ( Pointing at the Indian )

Dog: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Indian:( Look of disbelief )

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Indian: "Horse no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Good."

Indian:( Extreme look of shock )

Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" ( Pointing at the Indian )

Horse: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."

Indian:( Complete look of utter amazement )

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Indian: "Sheep liar."

[BigBoss]

Tennessee Divorce

Q: What do a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce have in common?

A: Someone is going to lose a trailer.

[BigBoss]

Redneck in a Suit

What do you call a redneck in a fancy suit?

''Mr. President.''

[Shelby]

HA HA those are awesome :laughing: :laughing:

[BigBoss]

a couple more

>Tax Time for the "Hooker"
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that
>she
> > >>needs
> > >> to file her taxes.
> > >>
> > >> The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few
> > >>questions."
> > >> He gets her name, address, social security number, etc., and
>then
> > >>asks,
> > >> "What is your occupation? "The woman replies, "I'm a
>high-priced
> > >>whore."
> > >> The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never
>work.
> > >>That
> > >> is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."
> > >> The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl."
> > >> "No, that is still too crude. Try again."
> > >> They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm an
>elite
> > >>chicken farmer."
> > >> The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do
>with
> > >>being a whore
> > >> or a call girl?".
> > >> "Well, I raised over 700 little peckers last year.




another one

>The Evangelist
> > >
> > >GRANDMA AND GRANDPA WERE WATCHING A HEALING PROGRAM ON TV. THE
> > >EVANGELIST CALLED TO ALL WHO WANTED TO BE HEALED, TO PUT ONE HAND ON
> > >THE TV AND THE OTHER ON THE BODY PART THEY WANTED HEALED.
> > >GRANDMA HOBBLED TO THE TV AND PUT ONE HAND ON THE TV AND THE OTHER ON
> > >HER ARTHRITIC HIP.
> > >GRANDPA MADE HIS WAY TO THE SET AND PUT ONE HAND ON THE TV AND THE OTHER
> > >ON HIS CROTCH.
> > >GRANDMA LOOKED AT HIM WITH DISGUST. "YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND, CHARLIE.
> > >THE PURPOSE OF THIS PROGRAM IS TO HEAL THE SICK, NOT RAISE THE DEAD

[Shelby]

HA HA "raise the dead" now that's some funny shit :laugh: :laughing:

[BBC Malibu]

:laughing: :laugh: :laughing:

[chrisdottore]

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laugh:

[Joe Webb]

BIG BOSS, YOU MAKE ME LAUGH THIS MORNING...MY PEOPLE ARE LOOKIN AT ME LIKE I'M CRAZY!!!! I BETTA CHILL OUT....:doob:

[BigBoss]

wow this is an old thread but glad i can make ya laugh